Spread Your Wings and Learn To Fly
by girlfromblossom
Summary: Dan had a secret; only he knew, and he wanted to keep it that way. But then Phil comes along. Are they fish in the same pool? WARNING: SELF HARM, POSSIBLE SUICIDE/S, EATING DISORDER.
1. Prologue

**WARNING; If you find these subjects (self harm, suicide, eating disorders) triggering, then please do not continue reading this!**

DANS POV

I opened my eyes, slowly. My head was throbbing and I had pain running through my body. I looked around in confusion. Where the hell was I?

The pain in my head was unbearable and I could barely open my eyes, but I looked around and tried to take it all in, Ok, I was on the ground; but where? School. The word popped into my head and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I looked out the corner of my eyes and saw bikes, rows of bikes. Yes! I remember, the boys had decided to throw a wild punch at me behind the bike shed before classes, which then of course, turned into kicks, lots of kicks.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly pushed myself up with my hands, and leant my back against a wall, still sitting on the floor. There was blood, a lot of it. Crimson red and flowing from my head. Nothing worse than normal, though a lot more noticeable. I was used to inflicting pain to myself; I had become addicted over the last year. You see, I'm a cutter.


	2. Meeting you

PHILS POV

Before I know it, I'm running. They're right behind me, I know it. I duck behind the bike shed, and look out. What? Who was it behind me? Where did they go? Those boys?

Anyway, they're gone now. I slump down against the wall, exhausted. I close my eyes for a moment to then open them to observe my surroundings.

Theres a boy. He looks pretty fucked up. And theres blood, a lot of it. I slowly creep up, trying to slow down my breath. His eyes are closed, and for a moment I wonder if he's dead. No, he's breathing. Well thats one possibility off the list.

I take in what he looks like, brown hair, straightened. Black skinny jeans, high tops, hoody. He looks normal, but then I look down. His arm.. I..It's covered in scars, theres not any clear skin. I pull up my sleeve and compare my arm to his, his scars are worse than mine. I wonder what pain he's been in for him to be like this? I want to know his story.

* * *

DANS POV

Theres a boy sat in front of me, what the fuck? He's holding out his arm next to me, with his sleeve pulled up. Shit, my sleeve. I must have passed out when I was looking at my scars. The boy in front of me joins his eyes to mine, which are now wide open. He stumbles back and leans against the wall opposite me. We stare at each other for what feels like hours, both of us still showing scars. He shouts out 'Want to play a game?'

'What kind of game?' I say back, with a croaky voice.

'A game where you ask each other questions, and when you answer you have to finish with a question?'

I nod, wondering why he wanted to play this crappy 'get to know you game' that we have do endure as kids.

'I'll start!' shouts the ebony haired boy, his eyes a piercing blue.

I nod again, signalling for him to begin.

'My names Phil, Phil Lester. Whats your name?'

'Dan Howell. Why are you talking to me?'

'You seem different, I like different. Why are you covered in blood?'

'The boys did it, 'the boys' being the nickname for a group of teenage lads who go out of the way to make my life misery. Why do you have scars?'

'I did it to myself, you need to go to the hospital, Dan. Will you go if I go?'

'No, I'm going home.'

'You didn't finish with a question?!' Phil looked me straight in the eyes, his own eyes filled with hurt.

'Ok, Ok. Want to come to my place?'

'Ok.'

* * *

We walk in silence to my house, although it's not awkward at all. Nobodys home so I rush around in my bag to find my keys.

After getting into the house, I lead Phil up to my room and tell him not to touch anything whilst I have a shower. I know it's rude, leaving a guest alone for ages when you're the one who's invited them round, but I don't give one. I stopped caring a long time ago.

* * *

PHILS POV

I sit on Dan's bed, yet again taking in my surroundings. Posters cover the wall, bands, singers, an array of wonder. His room is messy, but you can tell he likes it this way. It's his home. It's his sanctuary, and I think its wonderful. Theres a pile of letters on his desk, I walk up and notice razors all over his desk, scissors, knife,glass. It's a cutters haven. I look at the letters, there all addressed to him and there are quite a lot. I flick through the envelopes until I get to the bottom of the pile. My heart drops. There, in bold letters, are the words;

**MY SUICIDE NOTE; DAN HOWELL**

* * *

****Authors note; Yeah I know this chapter is rubbish but you guys wanted an update so I did it quickly, I will do another one soon!


	3. If it's you I'm dying for,I'll die happy

DANS POV  
I don't care that Phil's in my room when I can't see him, I don't care that he doesn't know that I'm in here shredding up my arm, I don't care anymore. I don't care if he's seen all my tools on my desk, or my note, because it's too late anyway.

I sit on the floor of the shower, letting the hot water rinse away the blood, the pain. I cry, I bleed, i sob, I think, I die a little inside, I get up. In this bathroom there is a tshirt, jeans, and undies. No long sleeve jacket, Phil will see my cuts again, my shredded arm. And for once, I don't care if they see, I think I washed away that part of me along with my dignity.

PHILS POV  
Dan walks out with curly hair and fresh clothes, I scan his body, taking in the fresh cuts and scars without reaction, he doesn't need one. I want to hug him, tell him that he doesn't need to die to be happy, but he won't believe me. I didn't read his note, I don't know him enough yet, I want to know him, I do. I want to know this boy who straightens his hair and cuts himself and gets beaten up and keeps a suicide note in his room, and I don't care if I die in the process. I don't care if I die for him in the process.

authors note~

if you have read 'i hope it's nice up there' you will have seen my note in which I say that I was in hospital myself for suicide attempt and I'm very sorry I couldn't update. I have no computer so I am I writing and updating the fics off of my phone, so I'm very sorry for the mistakes and length. I will try to update more often, I hope you enjoy this and I'm sorry it's such a bad chapter, much love x


	4. Easy as ABC

DANS POV

Step on the scales. Sigh. Step of the scales.

My daily morning routine, I don't know how it got to be this way, it just did.

I'm doing the ABC diet, Anorexic Boot Camp. It tricks my body into thinking I'm not in starvation mode, so that I'm constantly losing weight. It works for me, I don't recommend it. My hairs falling out, I'm weak, I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. Food is not my friend.

My mum hasn't noticed yet, I tell her I eat lunch at school, and I eat dinner before she gets home. It works, for me anyway.

* * *

PHILS POV

I look over at Dan, who has just walked in the room and I scan him.

Hair, damp. Must have washed it this morning.

Clothes, baggy.

Shoes, converse.

Eyes, sad.

Body, thin.

He's getting thinner, I note. I must remember to talk to him about that.

He sits now next to me, and I look at his arm.

'D..Dan'

He looks up at me.

I nod towards his sleeve, which has blood seeping through it.

'Shit! I thought it had stopped.'

I didn't know what to say, I just looked at him. I want to hug him and tell him everything will be okay.

He wouldn't believe me if I did.


End file.
